Knop

buckeyenerd:

“It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.”

This oft-quoted line was written by Charles Dickens in his classic novel A Tale of Two Cities. Clearly Mr. Dickens was not a Browns fan. If he was, he would have known that all he needed was the second half of that sentence.

Doubtless, these are dark days for the Cleveland sports faithful. Despite the Indians’ surprising success this past season, Cleveland is about to conclude the first year without a playoff run in any sport since 2005. (While I acknowledge the Lake Erie Monsters’ postseason appearance this spring, it seriously undercuts my admittedly whiney argument so for the moment I will ignore it.) I am also momentarily omitting Ohio State teams, and focusing on the three big teams on the lakefront. To get some perspective on the outlooks for the respective clubs, I turn to classic literature.

“These are the times that try men’s souls.”

Thomas Paine originally wrote these words and contrary to popular belief, The Crisis he was describing actually did not concern what to do with the West Coast offense. Mr. Paine’s words resonate with all the citizens of Cuyahoga County every Sunday. The Browns have been nearly unwatchable this year. This is not the team’s worst run in recent memory – remember the 1-11 start in 2009? … On second thought, don’t remember it. The odd thing is that the defense is not that horrific: the team is ranked ninth in the league in points allowed per game with 19.6. The Browns are the definition of inept on offense and are shooting themselves in the foot in new and imaginative ways. Remember that time our Pro Bowl center shifted his leg to the right and adjusted the flight of the ball from our Pro Bowl long snapper that ruined the concentration of our Hall of Fame kicker? Yeah it haunts me too. As I have mentioned previously, I want to believe in Colt McCoy. However, as I watch him compete every week, that faith is being shaken time and again. Soon however, the Browns will shuffle into the sunset as they do at the end of every December and Ohioans will turn their attention to the hardwood. They will find little relief.

“Now is the winter of our discontent.”

William Shakespeare died in 1616, 275 years before Dr. James Naismith set up a pair of peach baskets in a gymnasium in Massachusetts. Therefore we have no way of knowing if The Bard would have enjoyed basketball, though I maintain that he would have made a terrific color commentator:

“Sure was a great pass, huh Bill?”

“Upon my soul, against the towering quintet Irving navigated the sphere to his brother’s hand as a ship amidst stormy seas is led to the safety of harbor”

“…Yeah…”

So when Shakespeare wrote the above line for Richard III he had no idea how appropriate it would be to describe the Cleveland Cavaliers 2011-12 season. The Cavaliers are rich in potential but little else. The club has more questions than answers. How quickly will newcomers Tristan Thompson and Kyrie Irving adjust to the NBA? Is Anderson Varejão fully healed? Will JJ Hickson be missed? Is Omri Casspi the long term answer at small forward? How much will Baron Davis weigh when camp opens? I doubt the team will struggle as mightily as the 29 game losing streak last year but do not expect a return to postseason basketball anytime soon. Honestly the best news for Cavs fans right now may be that the season is only 66 games long.

“Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin’d from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.”

If Alexander Pope were alive today, I believe he would be an Indians season ticket holder because he has the right attitude. Not only does hope spring eternal, but also the best time for hope in the future is the spring. The Tribe turned heads, dropped jaws, and relocated other body parts by starting the 2011 campaign a surprising 30-15 before leveling off and finishing in second place in the AL Central at 80-82. The “window of contention” should be open starting on Opening Day 2012. The Tribe bolstered their starting rotation by signing veteran hurler Derek Lowe and retaining Fausto Carmona. Grady Sizemore is back from his tour of free agency and will be an inexpensive gamble. If the Indians can supplement the team with a veteran backup infielder and sign a slugging first baseman (I hear that Albert fellow from St. Louis is a free agent) then the team might be in good shape in the Central. The bullpen is a major strength and the team has a several up and comers. This no doubt is where hopes should be pinned.

The hard part of course is getting to the spring. We still have five poorly-played football games to look forward to and a whole season of bad basketball. My diagnosis: go check out the Lake Erie Monsters. Hockey is much better in person than on TV. If that does not intrigue you, there is always Ohio State basketball. As long as Jared Sullinger is suiting up for the Scarlet and Gray, the Bucks will be in the National Title hunt. It just goes to show what literary giant Woody Hayes always said, “A guy from Ohio can make it in life if he works hard enough.”

Thoughts? Comments? Criticisms? The author can be reached on the Twitter @Corey_Barnes

I finally read this article.  Pure brilliance.  Corey Barnes is a genius.

notch:

I visited my doctor last week, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, surely it’s not dangerous. He said it was distracting him.

zombee:

It is the first of its kind.  It is only in its second season.  It has the consummate approval of Robert Kirkman.  It is fantasy.  It is true to its own mythos.  The gore is tasteful and not overwhelming.  The characters are complex and the plot is intriguing, even when the acting and writing is bad.

Give it a break.  Let it find its voice.  Let it be a revolution of TV.  Discuss, vilify, call it out on its bullshit, but don’t call it “one of the worst shows on television.”  You sound stupid and elitist and you don’t deserve to criticize it if you make sweeping, unsubstantiated statements like that.

/rant

What she said.